Hidden within...

Today at school I was reminded of how much we push down inside ourselves and of how thick the walls are that we build around our hearts. A colleague of mine shared something that a student wrote about one of their parents having PKD (Policystic Kidney Disease). The father of this student (from what I gathered) is currently on Dialysis in the home awaiting a kidney transplant. I was immediately thrown when I heard this for various reasons. First, he seems to be such a happy kid during class. Definitely your typical 8th grade boy, who enjoys laughing and chatting with his friends. Secondly, because PKD is the disease that has plagued my family as well.

I grew up in a home where, for as long as I can remember, my grandfather passed away from PKD when I was only a little over one and my mom was diagnosed with PKD a few years later. I remember when my aunt found out she had it, and when one of her cysts burst. I remember the pain she was in until they regulated her body. I remember how my mom was exhausted earlier than anyone else's parents. I remember how less than 10 years ago she couldn't make it through a meal without having to head to the bathroom to vomit everything she just ate. I remember the look in her eyes and the weakness she felt as we prepared for my brother's graduation party, and the eleven surgeries that followed the year after his high school graduation. I remember the cold January day roughly six years ago when that year of surgery ended with a final surgery, when my mom's oldest brother donated one of his kidneys to her; giving her a new level of energy that we hadn't seen in a long time. I remember a few years later when my uncle (mom's youngest brother) was told that he would have to have a transplant as well. It's been just over one year to the date that I sat with my high school aged cousins in their parent's hospital rooms after their mom donated one of her kidney's to their dad.

Today at lunch, I sat back in my chair and the first thing that came out of my mouth was that I needed to tell the student simply that 'I get it". I get what he's going through, and I get that it's such a weird disease that you rarely find someone else who absolutely gets it. So, after I started class today, I pulled that student out into the hall and told him what was shared at lunch. He just kinda looked at me...I bet he was wondering where I was going to go with it, but when I told him that my mom had it and that she had a transplant a few years ago after being on dialysis and that my uncle had one a year ago, he just looked at me with big eyes and said "really?". I nodded and told him that I just wanted to let him know that I get it.

We turned and walked back into the room. He went on to work on some lovely pythagorean theorem problems and I went to my desk to take attendance and give out some test grades. About ten minutes later, he was standing before me, and he asked the simple question that everyone wishes they had the answer to..."How long? How long did they have to wait before they got the call?" I explained that we were lucky in both situations. That my mom and uncle both had family members that were matches. He told me that his dad is on the list, and they're just waiting. We chatted for another minute or so before he went back to his work, and I flipped through some papers tucking the tears that were beginning to brim onto my eyes back where ever they came from.

All I have been able to think about since is the feeling that I had when he came to my desk. I felt as if I were able to see straight into the soul of that young man for just that one moment. The kid who I would definitely label as one of my talkers or goofballs (I do teach 8th grade!) let down his wall standing in front of my desk today. He let me have the privilege of seeing all that he was holding within. I don't know where his family stands with their beliefs, but I have found myself praying for them today. Praying that they know, or will get the chance to know Jesus because it is only through my relationship with Christ that I was able to get through the dialysis, surgeries, and all that has happened to my family over the years.